Not the loneliness of not connecting with friends and colleagues, or being distant from your partner and kids.
Though those can be a cause too.
No. The loneliness of no-one else knowing how you really feel about your life.
Particularly if you are an independent soul. Used to solving it all and conquering by yourself.
There was a moment when I realised nobody knew how I was truly feeling about my life. The motions I was going through. The despair I felt about the ever diminishing returns in terms of joy, purposefulness, aliveness I felt in my work.
Perhaps because it was even too hard to admit it to myself.
It felt too shameful to speak out loud. Ungrateful even. Too toxic and potentially harmful to everything I’d built around me.
So I drowned in the loneliness of it all. Not really knowing who could really understand anything of my experience.
The first person I really needed to listen to in all this was myself. Not the listening of the endless mind chatter. But the deeper signals.
Restlessness. Tightness in the chest. Mood swings.
To see where my energy led me. What I was reading, listening to, watching. What lit me up and what drained me.
Out of the ashes of getting honest with myself, I began to articulate more of what I truly wanted.
I began to voice it - with my wife, my coach, trusted friends. It felt uncomfortable at first. Unfamiliar. Embarrassing.
Slowly, these desires became well known to me; there was ease and energy.
If you’re feeling alone and can feel rumblings of discontent, find someone to share it with. A trusted, non-judgmental space.
That’s where you get to meet yourself fully and come in from the cold.
Photo by MIAO GENGXIN on Unsplash