I found myself wondering how many productive days I actually have left.
Not years.
Days.
It’s an uncomfortable question.
Almost intrusive, like a stranger leaning in too close.
I did a rough calculation.
Nothing scientific or worthy of a spreadsheet.
Just an honest estimate of how many days I might still feel mentally alive enough to create something meaningful, to contribute in ways that feel like me, to feel a sense of presence rather than performance.
The number wasn’t huge - we’re talking less than 5000 assuming I go into my 70s doing what I love.
Seeing it brought up a mix of regret, urgency, and actually relief.
Because suddenly the fog lifted and the lie of endless time dissolved.
What remained was uncomfortable but clear.
I realised how often I assume I have more space than I do.
More mornings to get around to the ideas I care about..
Or energy waiting just over the horizon, as if life will one day hand it back to me without asking anything in return.
But there’s no guarantee of any of that.
There never was.
As I looked at that number, I felt exposed.
It confronted me with how easily it is to drift.
How quickly the days blend.
How often we postpone things that matter because something “urgent” shouts louder.
But if days are limited…
What am I going to do with the days I still have?
Not the cleaned-up answer I could recite in a meeting.
Or the respectable one that keeps everyone comfortable.
The answer I would give if nothing stood between me and the life I actually want.
Sitting there, I felt a mix of discomfort and clarity.
It made me look at my life without the usual soft focus.
It made me notice the parts I’ve outgrown, the parts I still love, and the parts I’ve been too afraid to admit I want.
And then another question came and this one I’ll pass to you, because it’s not just mine.
How many days do you believe you have left where your mind is clear, your energy is steady, and your presence is strong enough to create impact?
Really think about that number.
Write it down if you dare.
Feel what it stirs in you.
Then ask yourself the harder question:
What do you want those days to stand for?
Photo by Dwi Asy Syafa'Atul Ulyah on Unsplash