I'm curious, is success secretly killing your relationship?
So many people that I work with speak about this.
They are often driven leaders in tech, who are crushing their results, see their careers go from strength to strength.
But those steps often come with a hidden cost, often showing up in their relationships with family and loved ones.
How will you know if this is playing out for you?
Ask yourself, do you find it hard to switch off when you get home?
Maybe you notice your mind buzzes with tasks, ideas, and conversations you need to have, when you are supposed to be having quality time at home.
Do you try hard to be in the flow of home life, but your hand instinctively moves to your phone every few minutes to check on the latest updates from work?
Are you caught up in replaying the day’s meetings in your head or planning ahead for tomorrow and the next day rather than listening to the excited stories your kids have about their day?
Are you going through the motions of catching up on your partner’s worries and requests of you?
That long wanted holiday you still haven’t planned, no matter how many times you promise you will take it.
Maybe your partner or your kids pass comment, you brush them off but deep down they cut deeply.
Or even worse, maybe they just don’t bother anymore as they know there is no point.
That you’re unlikely to come out of work mode until well into the weekend, if at all.
The disconnect is felt, sometimes talked about, promises made to give more time, yet that's time you struggle to find.
When asked, you’d say that your family is right at the top of your values, but in reality, do your drive and focus at work mean it’s hard for you to live that out?
Of course, your success pays for all the good things in life, including making great memories with your family, but there’s a gnawing guilt and dissatisfaction.
You are seeing more and more the "objects" are not bringing happiness.
You know your children are growing up so quickly.
Do you worry that in the bat of an eyelid, they’ll be gone?
Do you miss those easier times when you and your partner were best friends, confidantes, and frequent lovers?
Do you miss the easy laughter and playfulness?
Can you remember the last time it happened?
Maybe you miss the simple feeling of being totally relaxed in someone else’s presence.
Are you caught up in the pattern of disconnect, guilt, resentment, loneliness.
Selling yourself and others a story about: When I get this level or this pay, or this project ends… then I’ll be able to make time for us all.
If this is you, don’t worry.
The game is far from over.
You could try this simple thing.
When you step through the door or out of your home office, make a clear intention to leave the day behind.
Commit to being fully present.
Set your phone aside. Even if it’s for just an hour.
Listen to your loved ones as if your life depended on it.
Rinse and repeat every day.
And see what happens…
Photo by Brooks Leibee on Unsplash