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I gave up 16 weekends in two years and never once resented a single one of them
For many years, my attitude to performance was ‘head down, push on through.’It got results, of a kind.But there was a version of it that felt like dragging myself through concrete. Late nights or weekend on work that after a while I felt nothing about, ticking boxes rather than coming alive in any of it.Then […]
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Want to know if you’re living your values?
I suggest you don’t bother checking your intentions. Check your calendar instead.Because your calendar doesn’t tell you who you want to be. It tells you who you actually are being. In my experience, that distinction is really worth sitting with.If you can spend a bit of time reflecting on this distinction, there are three things […]
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You’re executing brilliantly on a life that doesn’t excite you
Most high achievers are extraordinary at setting goals. Almost none of them has a clear picture of who they want to be when the goals are reached.If I ask a senior tech leader for their five-year product roadmap and they’ll give me one without hesitation. If ask them what they want their life to look […]
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How many times can you say ‘next year’ before it becomes never?
The other day, I caught myself doing it again.”Next year, I’ll finally make that change.””Next year, when things settle down.””Next year, when the timing is better.”But in reality, next year never arrives the way you imagine. Because what you’re really saying is, I’m not ready to face this yet.Every time you push something meaningful into […]
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Are you winning at work but losing at home?
Long days; big wins; recognition; reward. It leaves you feeling good about your work life.Home? Not so much.It’s hard to switch off. You half listen to conversations. It’s like watching a movie of home life, rather than being fully present in it.You wonder if this is the price you have to pay for career success.Being […]
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Are you being honest with yourself?
I mean full, deep, radical honesty.About how life is going.About what you want and don’t want anymore.What unexplored dreams you still have.What feels intolerable but you continue to tolerate it.What feels like a pull but you dismiss it out of hand as impossible.What feels like a tall order, but secretly excites the hell out of […]
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Do we call it out enough when we see toxic male leadership energy?
It can be hard, in the face of someone’s uncontained rage, dysregulation or unfettered narcissism, to take a stand. The fear of consequence and reprisal is real.And yet, there’s so much of the bad stuff around. It makes my flesh crawl when I see unreflective, hard nosed, toxic masculinity on display.Let’s at least recognise what […]
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Are you striving or soaring?
A distinction I often explore with my clients is whether they are running away from something or running towards.Running away is what we do when we want to avoid discomfort.The impossible targets. The crappy boss or board. The relentless pressure.The tedium. The loss of connection and affection at home.The challenging teen or parent.Running away implies […]
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Are you dancing on the goal line or the soul line?
Goal line: tangible, measurable goals…. That new job; the pay rise; the car; the house. Or in a wider context, completion of that community project. The charity marathon. The fitness goal achieved.All worthy, valuable and potentially fun (until they aren’t).Soul line: your emerging purpose. Being in touch with what life wants from you.The deeper question. […]
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My inner rulebook just sent me a strongly worded email. I marked it as spam.
You see, I’ve been thinking lately about how many self-imposed rules we carry through our lives without even noticing.Not the explicit ones.The ones we never wrote down but somehow agreed to anyway.Rules about looking composed, sounding certain. Or looking good…Keeping the surface smooth so no one sees the questions underneath.They’re subtle, but they shape so […]
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