It can be hard, in the face of someone’s uncontained rage, dysregulation or unfettered narcissism, to take a stand.
The fear of consequence and reprisal is real.
And yet, there’s so much of the bad stuff around. It makes my flesh crawl when I see unreflective, hard nosed, toxic masculinity on display.
Let’s at least recognise what good looks like.
Healthy masculinity makes a positive contribution to the world.
It’s additive not subtractive.
It includes all, rather than excludes.
It amplifies and celebrates rather than belittling and denigrating.
It celebrates difference, rather than running scared and disguising that by turning difference into an object of fear or ridicule.
It’s willing to be vulnerable, in service of leadership, not for the sake of spilling or venting.
Anger and frustration are welcome as a feeling, not a behaviour. They’re not weapons to be discharged indiscriminately.
Well handled, they are catalysts for change and powerful ways of saying no.
Challenge and stretch is there, yes, to nurture growth, to develop capacity and potential. Not to destroy confidence and marginalise those whose thinking style or speed is different.
In positive masculine leadership, the nervous system is well regulated.
And when not, we take responsibility for that, not spewing negativity on the nearest or blaming others for our blindspots or moments of dysregulation.
I’ve been on the receiving end of toxic masculine leadership throughout my life. I see it prevalent in the world. Normalised, glorified even.
But I don’t accept it has to be that way. The more we call it out and model and alternative, the more we are likely to create the conditions where new leaders emerge carrying a very different way of being.
Photo by Jehyun Sung on Unsplash