You’ve done brilliantly in your career so far. Had plaudits, promotions, payrises.
And yet, there’s this lingering feeling ‘I might be found out.’
Or perhaps you’ve done really well, but had a knock back and it’s shaken your confidence about really ‘deserving’ the position you’re in.
You know how it goes. You start thinking...
'What if I can’t show up confidently or with enough presence when I meet people or get to interview?'
'What if I hold back because I’m scared of being shown up and lose my credibility as a contributor?'
'What if I don’t advance in the way I feel I deserve, because I can’t confidently talk about the value I deliver?'
This could equally apply to a non-work situation…
Maybe you’re a parent who feels like they’re going to be found out by others for not being able to manage bed times effectively (long term readers will remember me sharing about this challenge before) or shouting more than you’d care to admit.
You start to question your credibility or your legitimacy.
The spiral continues.
You judge yourself, criticise and pull apart.
Who wins in this situation? No-one.
You don’t because you feel worse and worse.
Those whom you’re serving do because they don’t get you at your best.
Which brings me to the solution.
Well, really it’s an anti-solution.
When I explore this with my clients, I ask this question:
‘When you’re in your wellbeing, feeling in the flow, full of energy, gratitude, excitement…
Do you question your confidence or your legitimacy?’
Invariably, the answer is ‘no’. The question doesn’t even come up for us when we’re centred, in our wellbeing.
It only comes when we’re feeling insecure or out of kilter.
We experience what I call ‘junk’ thinking. You can tell it’s junk because it doesn't feel good. You feel tight, wound up, in distress or discomfort.
What do you do when you feel this way?
Leave your thinking alone. Don’t try and change it or fix it. Don’t attempt to positively think your way out. Or use mantras or anything like that.
Take your hands off the wheel. Your thinking will return to it’s perfect wellbeing, all by-itself.
In the meantime, you can get on with things. You may not be at your 100% best, but you can be confident that your best will return soon. Automatically. With no additional intervention required.
Watch young children go from tantrum to titanic laughs in 0.1 seconds to see this in action.