Neil (not his real name) had been fired from his last two positions.
His confidence was at rockbottom.
He knew he was a capable and experienced leader, but twice in a row.
Surely that meant there was some fatal flaw that he was simply not seeing?
At heart, he was a natural problem solver.
He thrived on seeing solutions, expressing himself fully in his creativity.
Taking calculated risks for himself and his businesses.
But the well seemed to have run dry.
As he prepared for interviews, his mind would rev up to enormous speeds.
What if this happened again?
What if I can’t hold down a job?
What will this mean for me and my family and our security.
What about my personal ambitions and fulfilment?
It was like a house of cards waiting to tumble down.
He could feel his stomach churning at the thought of the questions and atmosphere at the interview.
His palms were clammy and he felt like he couldn’t release the eternal itchiness in his skin as he contemplated his next step.
Sometimes we need to hit a wall in a big way to catalyse change.
Last summer I hit my own wall.
Not Neil’s but one about my direction, my energy, my sense of fulfilment and enjoyment of life.
I realised juggling home and work life, demands, expectations was starting to be too much.
I sank into a depression unlike anything I’d experienced for over a decade.
It was like watching life through a fog of weight and worry.
Nothing lit me up.
Nothing made sense.
My own house of cards was falling apart.
Fortunately, I knew something that helped me hold on.
I knew that states of mind are only ever temporary.
Even the weather of the most tenacious depressions blow their way out eventually.
For Neil, and for me, we were caught in a temporary misunderstanding of the mind.
The one where we believe the rubbish we are thinking about ourselves and the world out there is true.
Those dark moments have one primary purpose.
To make it very clear to us what we don’t want, and by that token, what it is we truly desire.
Put another way, they are designed to wake us back up to presence, wellbeing, insight.
In Neil’s case, he didn’t want rejection.
He wanted somewhere that appreciated his talents and unique way of working and seeing the world.
Somewhere to flourish not flounder.
For me, I didn’t want to sustain my current patterns of life, where I convinced myself I was on the losing side, every time.
What I wanted was to feel more ease, more joy, more energy about my work and home life.
The recalibration to what you want, rather than fixating on what you don’t want is the most powerful ticket to inner freedom.
The more you are in alignment with what you want, the freer, lighter, more joyful and energised you are.
The route to doing is this actually quite simple, though not always easy.
First I help my clients see this basic misunderstanding of the mind and where / how our experience is created.
Then, I help them connect with their true desire, bringing their energy and focus to that.
Thirdly, I help them remember that who they truly are can’t be hurt or held back or derailed by what is happening to them on the outside.
There is a source of infinite capacity and creativity available to them and all of us, when we bring out attention to knowing this about ourselves.
Of course there are tactics to get into action, stop procrastinating, talking down to yourself, perfectionism, people pleasing.
But the heavy lifting is always done through the deeper insights we have, which open us up to new possibilities, new ways of seeing our lives and how things truly are.
If you're experiencing a bumpy ride in your current role or have had a difficult landing after being let go, please reach out by messaging me.
I'll offer you a space to decompress, share what's going on and start unpicking some clear and simple next steps for the better.
Photo by Tom Pumford on Unsplash