What to do when you have too much on (and your a business owning dad) | MattFoxCoaching.com

What to do when you have too much on (and your a business owning dad)


You wonder how you are ever going to break out of this nightmare...

It’s gone 930 and the kids are finally in bed. You’re looking forward to a few minutes’ rest.

Maybe you’ll get your head out of work mode and all the stuff you didn’t get done today that’ll be clogging your inbox for tomorrow.

Flick on the TV for a mindless 30 minutes before crashing out. At least it’s a break, even if it doesn’t feel that nourishing.

Then you remember that call that went really badly today and how Tom on your team put his foot in it with the client and you spent the rest of the day on damage limitation.

You start doing an inner post mortem, wondering why it always lands back on your desk.

Just as you start replaying all the details and feeling wound up about how you’re always being let down, your wife reminds you that the online shop needs finishing before tomorrow. Your heart sinks.

Now you regret agreeing to take it on to help her out.

With a sigh you pull open your laptop.

The temptation is to sneak a look at your work email and get a few minutes in before giving up for the day.

Then your calendar reminder pops up that the car insurance is up for renewal.

And you think fuck it, I haven’t got time to look for a better quote; I’ll just let them fleece me with a 20% increase because I can’t take the hassle of sorting out something different.

You start trawling through the regulars on the online shopping. ‘Don’t forget that new cereal Sam likes; and we need more toilet paper this week’ your wife calls.

Suddenly that familiar feeling of overwhelm you dread floods you. Too many plates to spin.

Your mind goes into overdrive and you grind to a halt. Head in your hands. Wondering how you’re ever going to break free of this nightmare.

Thankfully, there is a way out.

There’s a pattern I’ve seen in my own life and with my clients, particularly high achieving business owning or leader dads.

You’ve got where you have through a combination of talent, massive capacity for work and persistence.

Those are brilliant gifts but they’re also an achilles heel, when your business starts to grow.

You hire to backfill roles you were doing and even the best hires aren’t able to fill all the roles you were doing.

You end up, mopping up, being all over everything. It’s like trying to watch and track 40 different games at once. Impossible, exhausting, mind blowing.

At home, you get caught in a loop. Proud for what you’ve created and the lifestyle it supports but also guilty at the cost in terms of time and energy.

Your family gets less of you than they want and it always feels like borrowed time.

Of course there’s guilt that goes with that, that you’re never there enough. Or if you’re there physically, your mind is elsewhere.

So you find ways to compensate.

You're massively grateful for all your wife does to keep the family running. You pick up the online shopping to give your wife a break.

But it's a chore, and just another thing that keeps you on your laptop more than you want.

The solution doesn’t lie in taking on more; it’s not about time management techniques.

You’re smart enough to see where the time is going and how. Nor is it about delegation. You know how to do that.

The game changer is this.

Get really clear about your vision for your life - your deepest motivations.

You may think of vision as an airy-fairy idea; a cheesy life-coaching tool or something you’re already clear about.

But I’m guessing you’ve never gone into it, the way I teach it.

This process has transformed my own sense of direction from vague to having 100% certainty for what I am doing and why.

It’s helped me get effortlessly in line with what inspires me and to drop what drains me.

It’s taken me from overwhelm and overworked to feeling excited and energised about my life.

It’ll take you into a reflective process about what you want in your life, that is deeper and more revealing than you’ve ever done before.

When you have that, the choices you make about what you take on and leave out in your life become very simple.

First we take a deep dive into what I call your highest values (it’s a system developed by world-renowned researcher and author Dr John Demartini.)

We look forensically at your life and find the breadcrumb trail of recurrent themes that you’ve fallen into effortlessly, where you find the most energy.

The highest values (and it’s nothing like your classic values lists, such as ‘honesty, fairness, integrity) become defining and guiding truths by which you choose to create what you have in your life in all domains.

Once you have these clear, it becomes really simple and effortless to go towards what you really want (because that’s what you’ve been unconsciously doing all your life.)

Next, we look at how you are showing up in your life and what you want to create through a simple lens of ‘Be / Do / Have’.

We get really clear on what your core purpose is, by identifying how you are, what you do, and what you create.

This powerful tool becomes a deeply embedded commitment to yourself, to show up in your life in a way that lights you up and creates what you really long for.

The third step is to start mapping out your goals against the key areas of your life.

We look at your spirituality, your intellectual life, your career and vocation, your finances and wealth, your family and social life, your community, your healthy and wellbeing.

We go deep into how each goal supports your highest values. Anything that doesn’t, won’t get done. So we get ruthless in our self-questioning and eliminating all that doesn’t inspire you.

You feel lighter and energised by this process.

Finally, we pull it all together in an inspiring vision for your life. One that makes you feel alive, grateful and excited about the days, months and years ahead.

When you bring these steps online in your life, some miracles happen. You instinctively know what to pick up and what to put down at work and home.

You make a deep commitment to yourself about how to live your life with intention, rather than lurching from one reactive moment to another.

When you fully commit to this, the overwhelm / head in the hands moments I opened this post with fall away. You don’t find yourself in those situations because you have a clear path to get what you want.

Rather than falling into distractions, procrastination, reaction, people pleasing, avoiding confrontation, you have 100% certainty about your direction and how to get there.

It no longer makes sense to take on other people’s stuff as a pattern that’s on repeat.

You start having more fun in your life again.

Family time isn’t a guilty chore; it’s something you welcome and feel grateful for.

You know when to say no and yes, without second guessing yourself. You take on what inspires and energises you. You get more done, but without burning yourself out.

You have rock solid certainty about where you’re going in your life and what’s most important to you.

What I’ve shared here is one of the main pillars I teach my clients in my 6 month small group Thriving Dad Program.

It takes you from dissatisfaction, exhaustion, overwhelm, pleasing others and guilt to feeling peaceful, calm, in love with your business and family life.

You’ll get really clear about how you want your life to go over the next 5 to 10 years.

We also address staying in top physical and mental health, creating the wealth and resources you want and prioritising your deeper spiritual wellbeing.

You’ll know if you are a great fit for this program if:

You’re a successful business owning dad

You feel an enormous weight of responsibility with your business, meaning you never take your foot off the pedal

Work is on your mind all the time and it’s almost impossible to switch off

Your home life often comes as a second thought which brings on feelings of guilt.

You feel stuck and don’t really know what to do in order to feel like you used to all those years ago before starting your business and family.

You’re worried about missing the best years of your kids’ lives because you’re always up to your neck in work and fear regretting it later on when it’s too late to do anything about it.

You’re pretty much always exhausted and never seem to be able to recharge your batteries.

You’re worried about your long term health

If this sounds like you, and you're interested in this program, you can email me

Photo by Chris Arock on Unsplash